Deciding to freelance was a very personal decision. It was based on (1) family and (2) understanding that my headspace is much happier and healthier when I am my boss.

I, like many women, had always thought that having a family was a “when”, not an “if”, and we were waiting for the right time to take that step. So nearly twenty years ago, being told that we were unlikely to be able to have children came as a shock. We had plenty of ups and downs along the way, but for us, however, there was a happy outcome because our two boys arrived under their own steam, without medical help, proving the doctors wrong.  after

My school was academic; my results were top-notch; I went on to study at Oxford and rubbed shoulders with some fantastic people. I spent my twenties and early thirties working hard. My career was ticked into more significant and more prominent roles, and in 2003 was headhunted to join the bid team for the London Olympic and Paralympic Games. Outside work, we moved house, travelled widely and lived a lovely, sociable life. And then we were told that we probably wouldn’t have kids. It shows you can’t control and curate life, no matter how hard you work or how organised you might be.

I think for us, when we finally accepted the idea that life might turn out differently from what we had imagined, we finally relaxed. Our thoughts turned to the possibilities of spending time abroad or perhaps moving west towards the coast. And then we found, against the odds, that we were expecting a baby, and life lurched back onto a different path.

But I watched friends and colleagues leave their children at nurseries early in the morning so they could catch their commuter train to London. They chased their tail all day, skipping breaks, hitting deadlines, ticking off to-do lists and running for the train to ensure they could get back just before nursery shut to pick their little ones up. They juggled childcare during school holidays, crossed their fingers that their kids were never ill and never stopped. I didn’t want to do that. I remembered how stressed our house could be when I was growing up as both my parents worked full time to pay school fees as the local state school was so awful that it just wasn’t an option. I didn’t want to be that. And, perhaps most importantly, I realised that despite the academic success and my solid career, I just wanted to try to be a good mum. And quietly, I never want my boys to tell me that I didn’t have time for them.

So setting up as a freelancer was a natural next step that allowed me to try to be the mum I wanted to be and continue working. I needed to do both. Ask my husband – my brain never stops whirring! Working freelance isn’t an easy option, but it offers flexibility, especially in my line of digital work. It creates a crisp equation – if you don’t work, you are not paid; if you take a holiday, you are not paid; if you are ill, you are not paid. Since I’ve begun to work on a freelance basis, I’ve never earned anything near to the salaries I took when employed. Still, by managing my income well and factoring these points into my rates, it has given me flexibility. I can work from home or a client’s office. Manage my diary and availability. Be there at the school gate. Spend quality time with my children. And give them a level of constancy and stability, which I think is invaluable as they grow and develop. I also recognise that we are incredibly fortunate to be a two-income family, and my husband’s support in allowing me to plough my furrow has been constant. He’s amazing.

I don’t think, however, that the freelance route is an easy one. I have fought regular battles in my head about work-life balance and have not always got this right. As the boys have grown older, my work opportunities have ebbed and flowed. My husband has taken early retirement, so home life dynamics have shifted. I’ve gone back to employed work from time to time. Covid robbed me of all my clients, mainly in the travel sector, in about 48 hours flat; I was fortunate to be taken on by one of my clients, who saved my bacon. This is steadily righting itself now with new opportunities to explore. We run a holiday cottage, so I can now add laundry and cleaning accolades to my CV! I’ve started a side hustle with no funding, which is akin to swimming in wellies! And I’ve gone back to college to study horticulture, pursuing a future dream which is still taking shape.

We now have two teenagers, one taking GCSEs and one starting on his journey through secondary school, and they need us both just as much as they did when they were small, just in a different way. So sixteen years after starting ItsLello, the freelance option still works for me.